Okay Geek Farm
5 Better Uses for the iPhone 4 Antenna
Brandon Davenport
In the past month, there has been a lot of “buzz” over the fact that the iPhone 4 antenna isn’t all it’s jazzed up to be, but since Apple decided to give away iPhone 4 cases for free, the antenna woes have become silent. We decided that since part of our job (being T3ch H3lp) is to help you learn about things, we wanted to compose a list of possible alternative uses for the iPhone 4 antenna, which in our minds are much better than its current use (which, admittedly, we don’t quite understand yet). The list is as follows, in no particular order…
An Emergency Taser
Why its better: Protect yourself/mess with people
Imagine you and your lady friend are walking behind the movie theater and you get confronted by a guy with a knife. What do you do? You jog up to him and tase his face (then run away).
Or, what it your iPhone gets stolen? Fire up “Find my phone” in iTunes and remotely activate the taser to give the bad guy the worst groin cramps in his life.
A Fancy Nail File
Why its better: It’s good for your health
Imagine you’re on your way to work and you notice that your nails are reaching that length where it starts to detract from your masculinity — you know…
Whip out your iPhone 4 and grind away on the stainless steel antenna. The antenna would also open up slightly with a small blade so you could use it as clippers for those tougher jobs.
A Pocket Knife
Why its better: Manliness increases 60%
Apple keeps bragging that they have “more space inside the iPhone 4” because the antenna is on the outside. Although I appreciate the fact they used the space for battery, I’d rather they’d use it for a pocket knife set. Simply flip open different parts of the antenna and out comes pliers, knives, a SIM card re-sizer and a flashlight.
A flip out Stand
Why its better: YouTube time is much more enjoyable/safer
Imagine you’re almost ready to head to bed, and you decide you want to get in a few minutes of Youtube viewing without the complications that come with a device that has no stand. You get unpleasant neck cramps while looking down at the phone on your lap, or frustration trying to prop it up on your bed sheets… somehow.
How would this work? You simply push down on the antenna near the “X marks the spot”, and half of the antenna gently pops out just enough to allow you to swing it behind the device and sit it comfortably on any surface.
An attenuator for cellular signal
Why its better: Allows you to make calls - possibly while holding the device
It has been proven in past technological advances that a signal attenuator can make it possible for a cellphone to send and receive analog or digital signals. Apple has taken a bold move, and removed the traditional antenna and added a slab of aluminium that (by some miracle) manages to function as an antenna of sorts, but it’s main purpose still is to provide structural stability.
Unfortunately, this metal band on the outside of the iPhone has direct contact with your brain (or genitals if it’s in your pocket) and will surely cause some sort of side effect, reminiscent of nuclear exposure.
If Apple were to utilize this design in the next iPhone but add a built in bumper (or include an iGlove), our problems would be fixed and the current 4 million units will be forgotten in land fills where they will seep into babies ten thousand years later.
Do you have anything to add to our list? - Leave it in to comments, or tweet us @t3chh3lp
